Interludes

Easter stories to continue in the afternoon, but for now a few tips for the crafters in the crowd. (Yes, making it your own darn self is a “green” topic!)

When attempting a new project, one combining - materials never work with, patterns never tackled, skills never used, and insanely overly optimistic deadlines (Monday) two things to help you through the madness.

Take a moment and acquire : Tequila and Anti-Suicide Lines

The tequila ((Blue preferably, the smoother it is, the easier to gulp in despair when things inevitably go pear-shaped) is for the moment when, 18 repeats into a 81 repeat monstrosity of a shawl you drop 2 key stitches that cause the whole shebang to unravel at an unholy speed. Also in this moment a husband who, upon hearing a strange whimpering sound coming from the corner looks over and after ascertaining there is no hope for a stay of the execution, removes the cursed pile of string from your hands and sends you upstairs while his are the hands that strike the final blow and winds in all back into a neat ball for the next attempt.

The Anti-Suicide Line (called in some manuals “life line” and how I wish I had known of them LAST week) comes into play after sufficient medicinal doses of tequila have been applied to the keening knitter. When a vague sense of resigned calm is restored, these lines – created in this case out of over a yard of neon yellow embroidery floss – are sewn into the shawl every five repeats. They will essentially lock down the pattern and no matter what other ills befall the now numbed knitter, no more then 5 repeats can be lost – barring brushes with fire or peeing cats.

Class dismissed.