I should start things off I suppose, by explaining where this particular little mind diversion got started. Now, in addition to writing, attempting to run a nerdly natural nest, and more then a tad bit of sewing in my day.... I also spend my fair share of time surfing the web and reading some very talented peoples work. Some makes me laugh, some think, others groan. At times I find some that cause ideas to pop and yell for attention, becoming either springboards to my own writing or even flat rebuttals. Some of my favorites can be found over in the right side of this page if you're in the mood to wander. I'll warn in advance, a few aren't exactly work safe, so you might want to meander around on your own time.
Now, there are a few writers out there that I check every day. http://ambulancedriverfiles.blogspot.com/ , http://thelawdogfiles.blogspot.com/ http://crankyprof.blogspot.com/ are three such blogs that I eagerly await each new posting. All captains of well turned phrases, all intelligent (and often wonderfully snarky) disputants of a myriad of subjects. But today, it AD's site that caused a slight mental tizzy, coupled with both irritation and dread. I have started a dozen letters to him, (and I'll be sending him a link here, as I think this might be a clearer way to explain then any of the letters I began writing and gave up on.) some angry, some annoyed, a few that sounded frankly whiny, and several that just didn't clearly make my point. A few days ago, he posted another bit on the wonders of fibromyalgia... and that's where it all got terribly difficult for me.
Ambulance Driver is a marvelous writer, chronicling his life as (you might have guessed) an EMT. Funny, dryly droll, educated in his subjects. He has touched on fibro several times, once with me responding, and his latest with another sufferer taking their turn at bat. This time, I'm going to try it separately... and see if I can explain the perturbation his writing is causing some of us.
For those of you looking at this posting oddly, wondering just what the heck fibromyalgia is, allow me to give a quick(ish) explanation. Its a wonderful mixed bag of chronic pain and fatigue, often coupled with such party favors as IBS, heart arrhythmia's, allergies – chemical & environmental, mental fog, and... just as the perfect icing on the cake – depression. To be fair, fibro is really an umbrella term used to describe a whole collective of connecting “issues”. The best way to describe the pain element is to short hand it to – arthritis not in the bones but in the connecting tissue that holds everything together. If you have ever trimmed a roast, that thick silvery skin that keeps the muscles connected to muscles.... it in that. Fun. Now, why do I care about this? I was diagnosed three years ago. Now, don't get me wrong. Some days I'm fine. Beyond fine in fact. The reason the Prime Geek refers to me at times as a hamster on speed is when I'm having a good day, I spend most of it desperately trying to catch up and then get things done ahead for the bad days. I have a fun grab bag to deal with, pain is a pretty constant thing. Now, in my case... I've had health “issues” most of my life and my pain threshold is pretty high. It has to be, I simply have too much to do to sit out my life just because I hurt. But, it IS there. Cold damp days suck for me (the reason we camp in palatial style... or at least the excuse the PG gives to explain his thrill for the ostentatious!), as do severe weather changes. Moving is critical, if I'm still for too long my body will cramp, and that just gets ugly. I don't sleep much (laying still is worse then sitting still) and that no doubt plays a part in all the other issues. Hubby often thinks if I could just get a solid week of sleep in, I could catch my body up and have longer periods of good days. Still searching for something to shut my brain off (a mix of tylenol pm, over the counter sleeping pills, herbal tea that frankly tastes of horse piss, and the odd shot of vodka is where I am at the moment. Any suggestions, feel free to send me a hint.) so that is a case of maybe. No doubt its the lack of sleep that makes me tired, often gets me cranky, and leads to massive brain farts as my mind desperately tries to tunnel through all the assorted piles of crap to get to one needed thought.
I have the heart issue, in my case a fortunately mild malformation of a valve that while I pass out from time to time, my body has figured out how to essentially reboot itself once it figures out there is a problem. A moment or two of my blood not flowing, my brain kicks out its own Mayday yelp and I'm back in business. More annoying for me then anything else (my backside is well padded and injuries are usually nominal.) its more of a trauma for those around me. A 6'1 female suddenly going white and hitting the floor is a concern for any shorter person around me. My mom laughs that's one of the reasons I married the PG, if I fall on a power lifter I will not risk crushing him.
The fog? Check, got that too... but as a writer, I'm rarely without a pad and pen. With lists shoved in pockets and taped to walls, notes to check for lists on mirrors and computer screens, even reminders typed into my cellphones alarm, I manage to keep my life flowing more or less smoothly. The things that I do completely space out on, I have a portable brain (wave PG) usually somewhere near that I can pump for help.
IBS? Well, we covered that when I was discussing giving up toilet paper. There's a reason I don't have a magazine rack in my bathroom, I have a bookshelf. With the new laptop I'm considering having the Prime Geek build a lap desk to mount next to the toilet. Might as well be productive when I'm stuck in there, right?
Allergies? Check – fun ones too. I don't mind the food allergies all that much, although I could kill for a piece of my mom's banana bread some days, and I do miss shellfish. But the chemical ones are the biggies. Can't take most pain killers, as they would, well... kill me. Vikoden? Seizers. Oxy? Same. Anything with the word "Codone" or "Codeine" in it are big no-no's. Heck, if you wanted to find out where people are partying when they shouldn't, have me walk around, I'm better then a drug dog. One sniff of weed and I'm puking in the corner. Avoiding “those” kind of parties in college was no biggie, the thought of my dad killing me didn't keep me away, the thought of ruining my new leather boots did. Its these allergies that lead to so much difficulties in treating my fibro. If I can't take painkillers to manage the pain.... what can a doctor do other then pat me on the back and say “Sorry kid, it sucks to be you. Next incarnation try for an upgrade.” I've seen countless doctors, many who simply shrugged and admitted themselves to be at a loss. Only in the last few years was I able to find a doctor who could identify my “issues” and allergies as part of one illness. I lucked out and found the doctor who actually DID end up writing the book on fibro. Sadly, not all are as lucky as I.
Depression? Yeah. Sometimes. It's hard not to when you're hurting, aching, sitting in a bathroom being sick. Its a tad bit of a downer. Frankly, only the fact I have a sick and twisted sense of humor keeps me going at times. I laugh when normal folks cry, I get a morbid curiosity over what is gonna fall apart next. Its what keeps me sane(ish).
Which leads me to what started this post off in the first place. Apparently some folks are using fibromyalgia (a hard to diagnose, often MISdiagnosed, still not terribly well understood syndrome) to scam their way to hard core meds. I can fully understand how frustrating and sickening that would be for a heath care provider. I can sympathize with the annoyance of having drug dependent people littering up ER's and urgent care facilities with long lists of why they need their fix dragging them away from people who need REAL care. Honest. I get it. I can even see the humor in his post regarding the Fibromyalgia Claus ala' Virginia's Santa. AD even throws us a bone by stating “Just because I've never personally seen a legitimate fibromyalgia sufferer does not mean that they don't exist. It may just be that they're too busy living their lives to show up in an ER six times a month begging for a fix.” He states he's willing to believe in us, just that those that HE sees don't fit in his head as a real patient.
Too busy? Damn straight. Being 28 and having to have my husband remove the round shower handles and replace them with ones I CAN grip is embarrassing enough. Showing up at a hospital just isn't in my plans. Hades. It's hard enough to get me to a doctor anymore these days. And, frankly.... that reluctance is built on mindsets like AD's. Years of being thought I was lazy, stupid, mentally defective, unmotivated, or worse – all of the above make me dread going to the doctor. The day I found out there was a portion of my heart that was visibly not what it should be was an actual relief. I wasn't nuts! I wasn't lazy... frankly the doc was shocked when I rattled off my day to day list of things to get done. It took a seizure in the waiting room for another to realize I really WAS allergic to certain meds. (A cracked skull I was glad to get.) My tp usage is proof of the stomach issues. I've been poked and prodded, tested up and down,and swallowed more green glowing goo then anything that is landbased should ever contemplate ingesting.
I'm not nuts. I'm not lazy. I'm not a hypochondriac junkie looking for her fix. I live my life as best I can, always trying to find ways to work around my health issues. Some days all I need (as
one commenter on AD's blog stated) is a hot bath and a handful of tylenol. Others aren't as rosy... but I get through.
So why the rant? Why the need to address someone else's view on my own site? Why, to put it simply, am I doing this?
If a police officer said the following, how would you react? (Oh boy, I'm gonna get some nasty comments from this....) “All I even see are black men beating on their wives. Everyday, smacking their women and kids around. That's all black men are doing as far as I can see. Course, the good ones might just be living quietly, being good husbands. Perhaps. But all I see are black men beating down on people.”?
A politician who stated “All the gay men I know have been pedophiles. There may well be some good gay men out there. I just don't see them.”?
Riots in the streets, media screaming for their heads, or worse..... a Barbara Walters Special. (shudder)
Can we just drop the fibro=malingerers thing now? Yeah, you're having a rough time with people in the ER. I get that. I do. But at a time where fibro isn't really very well understood, when doctors are still arguing over treatments AND diagnosis, when people are still struggling to figure out what is wrong with them and why they just don't seem to be getting better... can we just drop the whole shtick? I'm the last person to scream for PC behavior, but at the moment you're making a lot of people's life that much harder. Saving face by hiding behind the lines of “You just haven't met them, they might be real” is perpetrating a bigger problem... and frankly it stopped being amusing awhile ago.
Lupus was once “All in our heads”. So was MS. You state in your own comments that you realize the majority of fibro sufferers are not the problem. That you fail to see the harm in you spouting off after a bad day. Here's the problem.
Not everyone reads through the comment following a post. To someone reading a site, written by a medical professional – you've essentially explained away fibro as nothing more than a crappy attempt to get prescription meds. To someone seeking information on a possible diagnosis... a MEDICAL professional has just waved it away. Yes, no one should self-diagnose or refute a doctor's diagnosis from something a humorous slice of life website says... sadly however, its a common things. PG calls it the Wallmart factor, ie – the lowest common denominator. You are an amazing writer with a huge audience. Several times now people have written into your comments reactions ranging from fury (a bit melodramatic, but some folks are) to despair, with a fair amount of frustration and epic long explanations and attempted reasoned replies... and yet it still gets dragged back up again in a few months.
Can it just be let go of now? Please? At this point its just getting worn into the ground. Your website, your point of view, your slice of life as it happens around you. I get that, but what I also get it there is power in words – be they written or spoken. Now it just comes off as a bit smug and somewhat pat. Please. Just move on.
I have never met a fibro patient who simply walked into an office and was clapped on the back with an instant diagnosis of fibro. Most of us endure years of misdiagnoses, meds that cause more ills then good, dark periods of wondering if we really ARE just nuts (lazy, stupid, what have you). Maybe we did something wrong, was it a punishment... why can't we fix it and get better. There is no magic pill to pop, no surgery that will render us better once the bandages are off. If we're lucky, we have a lifetime of searching and researching ahead of us, therapies to try, diets to follow, exercises to do, and family members to placate. We often hear the chant of “But, you LOOK fine.....” and either have to keep silent to avoid the views such as yours or accept the stares and doubts and try to educate those around us in the hope that in time others will have an easier life because we tried to explain.
If all you see in your ER are the fakes and the phonies... before you smirk and dismiss so many others who, as you said yourself, are simply trying to live their lives quietly... look around for us. Take an afternoon and read sites like http://www.fmaware.org/ for the facts, or track down one of us and talk to us. Most of the ones just trying to live their lives will be happy to answer anything that might help others skip the path we had to walk to a diagnosis.
I think you might be surprised.
10 comments:
Thanks for that rebuttal -- I am so glad you are a writer and can put into words what so many of us out here feel.
Jenna, let me reply to your arguments in line. I'll quote you, and then include my reply.
Bear in mind, it may not be what you want to hear. That doesn't mean that I'm attacking you, it simply means there are some things you and I are not going to agree on. Reasonable people can agree to disagree, and even be friends.
First, I do not disbelieve the existence of fibromyalgia. I simply disbelieve the claims of many of the people who claim to have it. Part of the reason you and I both elucidated in our posts - most fibromyalgia sufferers are not going to the ER. They are too busy living their lives to seek pity from strangers or drug themselves into a stupor.
"To be fair, fibro is really an umbrella term used to describe a whole collective of connecting “issues”."
Yes it is, and compounding the problem is that the vast majority of the symptoms are subjective, and not easily quantified or measured. That makes it very hard for people like you to be taken seriously, and very handy for drug seekers and malingerers to claim the diagnosis.
"Now, in my case... I've had health “issues” most of my life and my pain threshold is pretty high. It has to be, I simply have too much to do to sit out my life just because I hurt."
You've just described 99% of chronic pain sufferers, including myself. They're living their lives. Clue #1 that the diagnosis isn't really fibro or that the patient is attention seeking is that they're not living their lives. But, you've already pointed out that you know that.
"what can a doctor do other then pat me on the back and say “Sorry kid, it sucks to be you. Next incarnation try for an upgrade.”"
It must indeed suck to be you on those days. I believe you, and what's more, I know you aren't angling for sympathy. Believe it or not, I'm a pretty perceptive person. I read people very well. That's my job. It takes far more than the phrase "I have fibromyalgia" to make me mentally write someone off. There have to be other issues - inconsistencies in history, being caught in blatant lies, symptoms not matching the signs, etc. When someone rates their pain a 10, yet laughs and jokes and chats on their cellphone throughout the exam, or when they complain of vomiting and diarrhea while drinking a Dr. Pepper and eating Cheetos, they aren't people with high pain thresholds, Jenna. They're liars. That's how we spot them. We also notice that they act markedly different when no one is in the room, yet suddenly look pitiful when I walk in the room. I've been watching them on the security camera for ten minutes. I know it's an act.
All this is to say that fakers are easy to spot, but it does not mean I'm equating fibro with faking. It simply happens that a great many fakers claim to have fibro. The ruse could just as easily be kidney stones, or abdominal pain, or pelvic pain, or an old back injury...in fact many of them are. Fibro is but one pet phrase in the malingerer vocabulary.
"Apparently some folks are using fibromyalgia (a hard to diagnose, often MISdiagnosed, still not terribly well understood syndrome) to scam their way to hard core meds."
Every. Single. Day. ALL day. Yes, it is often misdiagnosed. Yes, it is hard to be taken seriously. It might surprise you to know this, but I have never yet failed to advocate pain meds for a fibro patient, provided they have a legitimate reason, and a legitimate diagnosis. If someone came in and told me 'I have fibromyalgia, diagnosed by Dr Rheumatologist So and So, treated at XYZ Pain Management Clinic, and I'm sorry, but my regular regimen just ain't working. I need something stronger to get me through the night', they'd get what they ask for. Heck, I'd even ask 'em what works, and how much they want.
Instead, I get 'someone stole my prescription' or 'all my meds spilled down the sink' or 'my doctor is out of town and I ran out of my meds' (as if they can't read a calendar), or my personal favorite, 'I don't see Dr. So and So any more because we don't get along', only to find out that Dr. So and So dropped the patient like a hot rock when the pharmacy notifed him that she had just tried to fill her THIRD Vicodin scrip in 24 hours, all from different ERs.
"And, frankly.... that reluctance is built on mindsets like AD's. Years of being thought I was lazy, stupid, mentally defective, unmotivated, or worse – all of the above make me dread going to the doctor."
Now who's pigeonholing someone unfairly? You feel qualified to categorize my "mindset," based on literally 1/100 of my posts? Is that accurate?
I'll describe my "mindset" if you'd like. I feel like God put me on this Earth for a purpose, and I found it in emergency care. I'm very good at it, but not for the reasons you might imagine. The difference between the real me and the person you think you know from my blog, is that I have compassion. Frankly, I thought that quality was readily apparent to anyone who reads my blog, but apparently not.
Two things threaten to extinguish that compassion: 1) people who abuse it and try to take advantage of my good nature, and 2) people who assume that I'm incapable or unwilling to recognize real pain when I see it, just because I'm adept at spotting bullshitters and calling them on it. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Drug seekers and fibro fakers fall into the first category. You, Jenna, fall into the second.
There's a reason I've often been saddled with the nickname of "Candyman." It's because I'm the most willing to medicate sonofagun you'll ever meet. When in doubt, I err in favor of the patient.
"...when people are still struggling to figure out what is wrong with them and why they just don't seem to be getting better... can we just drop the whole shtick?"
What schtick is that? My blog is less than a year old. Out of nearly 400 posts, only 4 have been about fibromyalgia, and every one of those has been far more even-handed than what you'll read elsewhere in the blogosphere.
Here's my schtick: The ER and EMS experience. If I can make it funny, so much the better. Poignant is nice, too. Even educational, if I can do it while remaining funny and/or poignant.
If bashing fibro or fibro sufferers were my schtick. my blog would be named 'A Day In The Life Of An Ambulance Driver Who Constantly Fears The Death Of His Capacity For Empathy Because Of Worthless, Needy F**king Fibromyalgia Sufferers.'
But that's an unwieldy title, and it doesn't reflect my way of thinking.
"Not everyone reads through the comment following a post. To someone reading a site, written by a medical professional – you've essentially explained away fibro as nothing more than a crappy attempt to get prescription meds."
Here's the problem with your argument. The casual reader doesn't read the comments. Jenna, the casual readers usually aren't medical professionals, and they're the ones whose opinions matter here. Why should you give a rat's ass if a layperson believes in fibro or not? You sound like a strong enough person that you wouldn't need a stranger's validation that badly.
If a medical professional isn't reading the comments, then I've got some bad news for you: their mind is probably already made up. No amount of histrionics or even reasoned discussion is going to change their perception. The more impassioned your arguments, they more they'll nod knowingly and think 'drama queen.'
Those kinds of medical professionals aren't going to change their way of thinking based on one of mine, or any other med-blogger's posts. It's not that they don't believe in fibro, they don't believe in anything.
That's the part I think you fail to understand: the vast majority of the readers have already made up their minds, one way or the other. The fence-straddlers are going to read the comments, and make their own decisions. As far as those comments go, I challenge you to name a single med-blogger who has treated the issue of fibromyalgia as even-handedly as I have. You have a forum to rebut my comments or those of others, and i don't allow people to post personal attacks on either side. Heck, one of my previous fibro posts have even linked a couple of scientific studies on the disease.
The bottom line is, this was a blog post, nothing more. It just happened to be a hot-button issue with you, and as a result, you ascribe more importance to it than it deserves.
In my blog, I have made fun of ignorant rednecks, lazy nurses, gun control zealots, stupid EMTs, arrogant doctors, and myself FAR more often than fibromyalgia sufferers.
So how did ridiculing fibro suddenly become my schtick? I'm a much more versatile comedian than that. ;)
If the people with fibro I've encountered online were like you, I would have a drastically different opinion of the disease. Until this entry, I didn't know you had it.
In my (limited) experience, that makes you unique.
I believe that you have fibro.
I didn't believe any of the other 5 or so people who have claimed it.
The other fibro victims I've encountered emphasize the victim part. They constantly complain, and not just about living with fibro. All but you have been extremely dramatic. They have relationship problems caused by a meddlesome third party. They have financial problems due to someone cheating them, etc.
...and then they get vocally upset when the rest of the group tires of listening to their constant problems.
I've probably met others with genuine fibro, but they didn't call my attention to it. By the nature of his job, AD and other emergency workers are going to encounter "dramatic fibro" far, far more often than your type.
AD I hope you are getting the follow-up emails - I agree with most of what you say and for me when I was on pain meds I knew I had X number to last me X amount of time and come hell or high water I wouldn't ask for more no matter how bad it was until that time period was up.
And I totally understand that people use the term fibro when they don't have it and when are just trying to scam some meds - I guess it just upsets the people who do have fibro and muddle thru life to have those fakers make a difficult diagnosis even more difficult - because we do hear the "but you look fine" so often - yeah I can put on a good face and smile and talk and even laugh but it doesn't mean that I am not screaming inside and thinking that I just want to go home and curl up in the bed until the pain goes away. Yes I still socialize, I still go on vacation and I do my best to have fun - but I really don't remember when I actually looked forward to something without the knowledge in the back of my mind that I was going to pay for it when it was done. And as a chronic pain sufferer yourself that is something I think you probably understand .
btw didn't I read somewhere a few months ago that they are getting closer to some kind of definitive marker for a diagnosis of fibro? Course I could have dreamt it - wishful thinking and all ;)
I'm going to come a this from the perspective of a Fibromyalgia sufferer who has been married for 20 years to a Paramedic.
It took me 10 years to get my weird array of progressively worse symptoms diagnosed. During those years, I listened to my wife's stories about the crazy folks who called for ambulances for all sorts of bizarre reasons, including - as AD has experienced - people trying to scam drugs. During those years I was actually scared that what I had was Fibromyalgia (because the symptoms fit) since all the stories I heard from her made me say, "I don't want to be one of those crazy whiners who will lie and steal for a codeine fix." (BTW, I am also allergic to opiates, pukey pukey ewwww)
I also knew someone myself who fit this profile and was in and out of doctors offices and ERs with constant requests for meds. I sympathize with her pain, but her means of trying to deal with it were dysfunctional. Also, any suggestions of anything that might otherwise help (antidepressants, mild exercise, healthy eating) were rejected as being "useless".
Okay and then there is the gallows humor that pretty much every emergency medical professional I've ever known defaults to so it doesn't make them crazy. I suspect that's a lot of AD's type of humor.
That said, Jenna, I totally get your indignation. I live with this crap every day. I often don't get out of the house for a week because I am in so much pain and getting to town (I live in the Himalayas now) is tricky as the roads are awful and the climb up and down the mountain more than my body will do on most days. I function. In fact I get a huge amount done. But the price is high and there are days I can't do a damned thing because my body just refuses to work properly. My life is, however, rich and full. It takes a lot of work and a lot of medication to keep it that way. It doesn't take trips to the ER because, frankly, that wouldn't help at all.
I'd love to see AD address this a bit more strongly in his writings - that what he SEES in his work are often the malingerers and the scammers (Lord don't I know it from the stories I've heard and the things I've personally seen) but that this doesn't necessarily reflect on the rest of the folks who DO have serious conditions. My sense is that the negative got played up and, though there is positive intent underneath, most people aren't going to see it. He has some responsibility to the "public" who reads the blog to make sure that he is perceived in the way he intends - which is with humor and a grain of salt.
honestly jenna, you have a point. to an extent, so does he, but it should have been expressed a little better.
i have fibro. no, i'm not diagnosed officially, i have no health insurance, i can't afford doctor's visits; if i stop moving and working, we don't eat. on a list of symptoms, i have quite a few of them i can check off; these include traveling pain, IBS, fog, eye issues, headaches, and the list could go on.
i use ibuprofen, tiger balm, hot baths and showers, diet modification, and sleep when i can get it (nyquil if that's not working). i also try whatever other things people suggest, at least once if it sounds helpful.
i have been in contact with people who go to the emergency room (or urgent care clinic) to get their meds, having no other way to get them because of money problems.
i have been in contact with people who have had to go to the ER, because they had yet to find a doctor that would actually listen to them and prescribe them something to make it through the night......and this after making the rounds of docs for years and not finding one who would listen to them.
i have been in contact with people who almost lived in the ER as children, because their pain was so bad it scared their parents.
i have also run across those who use random pain symptoms to get meds to sell.....i went to high school with some people like that.
having read both posts, and all the comments that were posted up until now, i have to say the two camps are gonna hafta agree to disagree. the ones who have fibro can't hve much of a sense of humor about this, they've been ridiculed and mocked and called names too often. those that do have a sense of humor, are stronger than they really are.
i also think that medical professionals should research this condition and maybe get a clue that it really exists, instead of making it worse for those who actually have it.
i do beleive that AD sees mostly fakers, but that when hes rebutting to someone, he shouldn't patronize them (which is how he comes across)......
"I do believe that AD sees mostly fakers, but that when hes rebutting to someone, he shouldn't patronize them (which is how he comes across)......"
Okay Oonagh, elaborate please.
How was I patronizing?
I'm gonna wrap this up here, by putting one last bit out there (something I wrote last night to AD in a second email.)
Just so we're clear... I do get the frustration and anger hospital and medical employees feel for anyone fakin anything to get a fix.
The issue I ended up having with his origanal post was this - in each fibro post he made, if you search through the comments or wade through the irritation, these self-same fakes are the same people who claimed Lupus last year, or PTSD the year before that. Whatever had been an Oprah hot topic got glomed onto and used.
I guess my real issue came from not only understanding HIS frustration, but wanting my chance to bounce these nits on their heads for making those of us trying to quietly manage our fibro get lumped into the publics perception of fibro. He says in each of his comments that most fibro patients AREN'T in his ER... but if you just read his post across the surace, well... it doesn't come across. If only the fakes and addicts out there are talked about, it makes the real cases have to fight that much harder.
Back to the nerdery.
This is Very far from your line of thought here, but it does have to deal with a hospital. Your nephew came home from it today (11-9-07), So you are really a aunt now.
"Your nephew came home from it today (11-9-07), So you are really a aunt now."
Congratulations, Auntie Jenna!
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